Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
