Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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