Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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