addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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