Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
