Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
