Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to make a zoo with you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize