Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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