So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
