How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
