Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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