Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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