Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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