well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think my mom watched the whole time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
