Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
