Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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