There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
