i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
