There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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