I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
