wat bout pragnant strippers??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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