Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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