You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
