It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
