eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
