I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
