and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
