That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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