You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
