I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
