arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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