Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
