she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
should my penis look like a turkey
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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