Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
