I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
