i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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