it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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