Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
