I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
