new low.... made out with someone while peeing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
