Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
