i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
