i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
