I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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