yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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