So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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