I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
