dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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