I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
