Your dad touched me again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
