Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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