she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
