you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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